Behind the lyrics - ‘Spiders’

The band usually rehearses at Studios 56 in Porth. It’s a cracking little studio. We like it because when you book it, you get exclusive use of the entire building. This is great because you can’t hear other bands rehearsing and you don’t have to be polite to anyone. You can be as noisy as you want and fluff all you like.  The studio has an outside loo and a resident spider whose name changes often. It’s been Barbara, Steve, Gustav and more. Talking about this spider became the catalyst for the song. We decided we liked him and shivered at the thought that nasty people kill spiders 🙁 (If you live in Africa or Australia, I totally understand. But if you live in the UK, get a grip).

It was either Hobbit’s or Station’s suggestion to include the nursery rhyme “Itsy Bitsy” (or Incey Wincey, depending on where you’re from). I changed it a bit, to make it more in keeping with TOOM’s madness “please don’t be a bastard, put poor Incey out”. I then changed some other nursery rhymes and some of UB40’s “Rat in mi Kitchen” to show the futility of killing spiders.

The second parts of the song are pleas to the listener not to kill spiders and alternatives to killing them. One of them is “please don’t kill the spider, just put him outside, he’s such a handsome devil, so please keep him alive”.

The chorus is about people’s misconceptions and paranoia about spiders. They seem to think they have an agenda. I personally have never met anyone who has been killed or injured by a house spider in the UK but there are stories galore. We were all told as children by older naughty kids that spiders crawl over you when you’re sleeping. Some people think they’re spies. I saw a meme on Facebook which read “when you’re sleeping, spiders rub their willies in your face”. I thought that was hysterical, so the chorus begins “in the night time, when you’re sleeping, the spiders come. Run up and down your penis and bite your bum”. As with all our songs, the chorus lyrics are available to the audience via our trusty flipchart. They seem to love singing along to this one!

After I’d written the song, I saw a post shared on social media. It was a mouse caught in a trap – crushed and in pain. It read something like “I’m not your pet. I just came in for a few discarded crumbs. But now I will endure a slow and painful death”. It made me really sad. Humane traps are available. There’s no need to be cruel. I decided that I’d include poor little mousey in the song too - “she’s somebody’s mother with hungry mouths to feed, so please don’t kill the mousey, there really is no need”.

We really hope you like the song. Any feedback is always good to hear :)